I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
