I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
