you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
