I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
