I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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