Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
