I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize