We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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