how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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