Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
