Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize