I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
