We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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