My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
