The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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