Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
