This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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