On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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