When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
