he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
