sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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