Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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