I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
