I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
