Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
