I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize