im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
