so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
