you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
