So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
a search helicopter?!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
