Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
