I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
