I faked an abortion last night.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found puke in my bra..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
