The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
