she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
