Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
