remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
