I hate all girls vehemently.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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