Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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