Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
