dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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