girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
