Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize