I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
