i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
