Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
