it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
