Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
