every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize