WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
