i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
