I can text with my tongue
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
