Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
