In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
