i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
