When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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