Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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