it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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