she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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