It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
