So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
