having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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