Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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