oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
