I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
