Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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