i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
