do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize