I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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