I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
This girl is more easily done than said...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
