She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
