you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
