Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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