Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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