Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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