i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
