Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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