i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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