I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we made out on top of his cat.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
