I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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