have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
