dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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