i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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