I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
