On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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