peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize