I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
