I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
