I cockslap morals
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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