just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
