ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
