God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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