i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
