I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
