i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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