on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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