I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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