Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
