she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
