jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
