He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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